Be Careful What You Ask For

I’ve been contemplating what to do about a certain issue for a couple of days now. Recently, my name has been drug through the mud without me having a chance to defend it. Since this is my public forum, I decided to create my own chance.

I was scheduled to go on a retreat in a couple weeks with some of my scrapbooking friends. I had paid my deposit and was planning on going. The coordinator started up a Yahoo group to help us plan everything. At this time, there were two spots remaining. Something has come up, and I will not be able to attend. I let the coordinator of the event know this and everything seemed fine. After another person dropped out, I could have sworn that there were two spots available. This made me think, well, if my spot is now covered, I should get my deposit back. I waited for the coordinator to contact me, but she never did. Last weekend, before leaving on vacation, I asked for my deposit back by emailing the coordinator. I guess this was my first mistake.

While I was gone, the coordinator contacted the owner of the retreat house about their policy of refunds. The owner said that they did not give refunds, which would make sense. She is only dealing with the coordinator and wouldn’t be involved with individual refunds. The owner then went on to say that some coordinators have a strict non-refundable policy on their deposits. Others take a poll of everyone else going to see if they should give a refund. The coordinator of my group decided to take the issue to the Yahoo group, of which I was no longer a member of, since she removed me after I dropped out.

I had no idea any of this was going on. I had no opportunity to defend myself or answer any questions. Since I had not posted to the world that I was on vacation, not everyone knew that I was gone or that I had been kicked out of the group. I received this notice on when I returned home: “As a group we have discussed your request, and the group concensus was that no deposit shall be refunded.” First I was pissed. Why did this need to be brought to the whole group? Wasn’t the coordinator strong enough to make her own decision? Then I thought better and wonder what was going on if there was the same amount people going, probably paying the same amount, but my deposit was still with the coordinator? I then sent this in an email: “…Thus I felt if someone else had taken my spot, I should get my deposit back. If this is not correct, please let me know.”

The response I got back was not friendly at all. It wasn’t, sorry, you remembered incorrectly. Actually, this is what it said: “You are incorrect. At the time you dropped out, we only had one overnight spot left to fill. As one spot had been taken. When you both dropped out, we were left with 3 total spots to fill. As of today, those spots still remain open. Sorry, but the group concensus was that no deposits would be refunded. Period. Whether the spots are filled or not. Hope that is now clear.”

You know what, it is clear now. Thanks for being so rude about it.

I deleted the emails with this information prior to all this going on, so I can’t prove any of my theories. I do hope that the group said they wanted the non-refunded deposits put towards snacks or something and that the coordinator isn’t keeping it for herself. Then I would be okay with it.

I know I put the coordinator in a bad spot by backing out. If I could turn back, I wouldn’t have signed up to go. This isn’t about the money. Really, it isn’t. I just feel blindsided by this whole thing. People who said they were my friends are now treating me like shit. I wish that I was able to give my piece and would have been heard from on this matter. I’m sure there are people from the group who think I’m selfish for even asking for the money back. Again, it was never about that. I was only doing what I thought would be fair. People have bullied and stepped on me a lot in my life. I thought what I was doing was trying to prevent that.

I guess what I’ve really learned is, don’t sign up for things with a deposit without knowing 100% that you are able to attend. The price for getting it back is more than just money.

* ETA - BonnieRose - I did email the coordinator personally. She left me the previously mentioned email. I don't know what else I could have done to make my thoughts more clear to her.