True Friendship

I got this forward today and thought it was funny:

True Friendship
(None of that Sissy Crap)

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good
But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever you're choking on.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".

To all my friends, you bitches!